Sunday, July 11, 2010

Brand New.

Welcome to my new blog.

I've kept a (relatively) continuous record of my triumphs and failures, hopefulness and heartbreak over at Twenty-Something Else for the past 2 years.

That blog and its readers have seen some of the darkest moments in my life. Personal and professional failures that brought me to tears so many times. Not dainty, gentle, lady-like tears, but the kind of sobbing you do alone in your car in the dark, gasping and choking with snot, salt, and mascara smeared in equal measure across your face. I won't delve too far into that here, at least not tonight, but it goes without saying that this is a place I don't want to be again, at least not for the same reasons. The sharpest and deepest pain I've felt has without fail been at the hands of another person. It is shocking and sad, to look back on what I've let pass for "love" in my past.

Though I've been a "Christian" since the age of 6, only recently have I begun to realize the depth of God's love for me. And the cheap substitutions of my past have begun to fade, but their sting is sharper than ever as I learn to accept how truly empty those relationships were. Like so many others, I didn't make this discovery or choose to take this journey because it was the practical thing to do. I had to be brought to my knees. I had to be so broken, and so sad, that I had no choice but to turn to HIM. And just as promised, He met me where I was.

And now, He's getting to work. No doubt about it, I am changing. I am literally being torn apart, broken in places I thought were fine just how they were. He is cleansing wounds I didn't know existed. And it hurts. I'm in pain and I'm anxious, but I am hopeful like never before. I am depending for the first time on God, and though I might (okay, WILL) stumble, I'm not alone. And that makes me the happiest I've ever been. Knowing there is better yet to come...that just blows me away.

During worship at church a few weeks ago, they played this song. And I cried. Partially because, well, I'm a crier. But mostly because I do stand amazed at this love I've found. Or more accurately, this love that has found me. He's changing me into a better woman than I ever imagined I could be. My prayer now is that I'll continue to let Him. New woman, new life, and as you can see--new blog. How marvelous. How wonderful!

So here goes. Stay tuned.

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